Recently I went to an open house with a friend of mine. A female friend. Who is buying a house. By herself. Interesting facts, but nothing earth shattering.  Buying a house is great! Buying one by yourself, an impressive accomplishment! Buying one while female?  Eh.

About my friend – we’ll call her Audrey. She also races factory stock cars, can rebuild an engine, code a website and has raised chickens. I think these facts ARE a big deal; not everyone can do/has done these things.

A few weeks ago Audrey and I wandered into an open house and the (male) real estate agent descended upon us, preparing to “wow” us with all of the wonderful modifications that the “brilliant” owner had made to the home. (without permits, mind you, so who knows how he did it. It took 80+ pages of permits to get a Certificate of Occupancy from the town.)

At the start of our tour, Audrey and I walked back to one of the bedrooms out of curiosity, instead of his prescribed route, and his first instinct was to apologize profusely to his business partner because we walked in on her tour. (Yes, I understand that they were trying show the house to multiple people in an orderly manner and we didn’t realize that we were headed in the wrong direction but the multiple “I’m sorrys” that flooded out of his mouth made us feel like we were unruly children.)  We should have realized immediately that this was a bad situation and cut our losses.

He continued on, pointing out every obvious thing as if it were the first home to ever built. The icing on this gingerbread house was when the agent was playing Vanna White in the utility room. (yes, I see, it’s a washing machine! Good for you!)  This was when he chose to ask Audrey if she was married or engaged. Umm…  no. He gestured to the furnace and replied: “Well, you can call a repairman to replace the filter”.  Excuse me? Is this guy for real?

At this point, I’d had enough of this man pontificating about the virtues of this home like no other man could ever fix up a home of this type better (which was not true, I live in the same model and it was merely OK) and then insulting my very capable friend by assuming that she couldn’t change a simple filter.  As soon as he was done telling her about the repair man, I interjected “Or, she could just do it herself”. He looked at me blankly for a minute and stammered “or she could change it herself” as if the idea had never occurred to him and tried to move on.

Another couple came into the room to ask questions and we took that opportunity to step back. Slowly. Quietly. Until we were out of the house. And then we both had to stop for a moment and retrieve our eyes from the back of our heads.

I’ll never understand the assumption that I can’t do something simply because I have girl parts.  I understand that some stereotypes were true for a reason (cameramen were men because TV cameras used to be crazy heavy and typically men are stronger than women, it’s just biology) but judging by gender should be long gone. Anyone can learn how to do anything, especially with the Googles and the YouTubes.

Starting this company was hard because manufacturers, who were mostly men, wouldn’t take me seriously.  I don’t know if it was because I was a girl but just the mention of the word bra horrified many of them.  I don’t think that they understood that lingerie is a $110 billion industry.  Although I know that someday I’ll want to tell them what a big mistake they made so maybe they’ll treat the next person nicer, it won’t be worth my time.

Thanks to the internet, I was able to keep moving forward and find suppliers that would work with me. There are also sites designed to help women (and men) overcome stereotypes and learn new things. (Women Auto Know is one of my favorites!) So the next time someone tells you to “calm your tits”, my thought is to turn to them and ask them “Why?”.

How did you handle the last person who tried to force their gender stereotypes on you?

About six months ago, Beth and I were discussing how to feel more confident at job interviews, meetings and networking events. We both concluded that most of how people perceive you is in how you present yourself. I told her about the Ted talk on Power Poses, and how I’d used that as a tool to feel stronger before important meetings. Somehow, it moved from that to the idea of wearing Wonder Woman Underoos (under our clothes, of course!). There’d be no choice but to kick butt if we had indestructible bracelets and a lasso of truth at our disposal! We never found anything bigger than junior sizing for our experiment, but I’m still holding out hope.

A few weeks ago Beth and I went to CurvExpo – and it was amazing. It was like a candy dish of underthings – with gorgeous colors and textures; every piece was interesting and different. It brought me back to a time when I paid closer attention to my own underwear. I think I started in the early 90s, when a certain store began moving into all of the malls. Whenever my mom and I would go shopping, we’d stop by and I’d buy a matching set. I don’t remember her exact rationale, but I always remembered that it felt nice. (and my mom knew nice when it came to clothes, the woman had flats, heels and matching jewelry to go with every designer work outfit) I stopped buying matching sets sometime in my mid 20s. I’m not sure if it’s because I gained weight or if it’s because I was broke, but I stopped. I’ve since returned to buying nicer bras, but I never got into matching again. After spending the day at CurvExpo, it reminded me of that feeling of wearing beautiful underwear and I told Beth needed to step up my game.

Last week I came across this article by Veronica Granja-Sierra entitled It’s What’s Underneath That Counts: Why Women Should Embrace Lingerie. She explains how lingerie had become about either utility or sex but it is really about neither. It’s about self-expression and how we feel about our bodies:

“Matching bra and panties have been proven to actually impact a woman’s self-esteem.

When you devote time and effort to adorn your body in beautiful lingerie, it affirms your self-worth and boosts your self-confidence. It ignites feminine creativity, and also helps you take yourself seriously because let’s be real: Do you even take yourself serious when you’re lounging in PJs all day?

It is proven that you feel your best when you are at your best, and then, people will naturally gravitate to you. Confidence in what you are wearing not only makes you feel good, but it also attracts people who appreciate those qualities.”

(but read the whole post here, it’s really good)

The memory of that feeling propelled me to find something for myself (off the clearance rack, not everything has to be about spending a ton of cash!) and I feel good about it, beyond the basic retail therapy high. I’m inclined to think that Veronica’s on to something.

Do you wear matching underwear? If not, after reading this, would you consider starting? And what do you think of our Wonder Woman Underoos idea? (especially you, Veronica!)

 

 

Also: Our blog has been on hiatus for the last month, we’ve been dealing with a loss in the extended Strap Saver family. We’ll be doing something to honor their memory and hopefully make a difference in the world. More information on this coming soon.